My Magical Meltdown, President Obama & Throwing My Occult Life in the Trash
Damien Rourke is the founder of Arkheina School of Esoteric Studies. Damien was initiated into the occult at thirteen. He has studied esoterica, magic and sorcery in over a dozen countries; investing 30+ years putting his knowledge of magical thought to the test in real world settings.
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“Honey, STOP! Please stop! What are you doing?”
My girlfriend stood frozen in the door of my ritual room, the light from behind making her silhouette look so small. I could see the shock on her face.
I stood practically naked, surrounded by burning candles. Sweat poured down my body; my chest heaving.
Blood was everywhere; on the walls, the floor and running down my arms.
I didn’t care that she had caught me. I was beyond caring at that point.
Our eyes met. She asked the question I had been asking myself for almost a year, with no real answer…why?
Suddenly, I was so tired I could barely stand.
My voice cracked when I answered her, “I’m so goddamn tired. I feel lost, dead inside. This isn’t the life I promised you. This sure in hell isn’t the life we dreamed of living! We’re trapped in a groundhogs day existence. Everyday, I get up and keep doing what I think I’m supposed to do to get us out of here. But nothing is working! Nothing ever really gets better. I’ve failed you, I’ve failed my family…I’ve failed myself.”
I slowly turned and looked at a lifetime of occult practice in one room:
- my massive esoteric library
- my tarot decks
- My ritual altar
- my athame, chalice and wand
- my plants and herbs I used to make my own incense
- special occult items I had collected from traveling the world
I held my arms out and said “Look at all of this worthless, shit. Lies sold to desperate people. Magic my ass. I was so stupid to ever rely on this nonsense.”
“Damien, you know that’s not true…” she said lovingly.
“I don’t know what’s true anymore! But what I do know is this shit isn’t true. When I really needed this to work, when our LIVES needed this to work…”
In the gloom of candlelight I continued stuffing over-sized garbage bags with every occult item I possessed.
During my tirade I had cut a deep gash in my hand from my Athame. In my angry movements of grabbing everything up to throw it away, I had slung blood everywhere.
I held up my wand, “See this? Just a stick.” And I snapped it in half.
I heard her gasp.
I held up my chalice, “Here ya go, use it to scoop dog food.”
Twenty years of my occult life going into the trash; All of it.
I was standing at a pivotal Crossroads Experience that eventually put me in the hospital.
I’ll forever be grateful to the Obama Administration for completely destroying my magic practice
Fourteen years ago, my girlfriend and I moved our entire life from the United States to the Czech Republic.
In order to apply to become a citizen, we had to start a new business in the Czech Republic.
We invested all of our savings to start that business, in Prague. We hired an immigration attorney who oversaw the ordeal.
Documents signed, we waited for our immigration papers to get processed; a three to six month wait.
Behind the scenes, the newly elected Obama Administration moved to install defensive missile silos near the Czech Republic; which the Czechs wanted no part of.
The US gov. tried to squeeze the Czech gov. to force compliance.
So, in retaliation, the Czech Government began rejecting 99% of all American applications for long-stay visas.
Their message was clear “We don’t want your missiles nor your people!”
Our visa application was rejected.
Which now left us with a 2-year contract on a home, an office in Prague city (a $7k monthly expense by itself; all requirements to apply for long-term stay), and no legal way to cancel the contracts.
That wasn’t the real problem…
American’s are only allowed to stay 90 days in most European countries before they have to leave. If you overstay those 90 days, you are illegal.
And this can easily lead to a 3-10 year passport ban from the European Union.
Our application took 5 months to get rejected and back to us.
So, by the time we found out we couldn’t stay in the Czech Republic, we were already illegal.
And, being illegal, we couldn’t run a business OR get a job.
Worst of all, by the time we found all of this out, our savings were gone from an accumulated $15,000 a month living & business expense. and we had no home in the US to go back to.
Then winter really did come…
The brutal winter my magic utterly failed me
Some of the hardest winters in the world are European winters; Six months of ice and snow.
They are brutal.
In order to even eat we literally sold every single possession, we had down to our shoes. Everything from our cameras, jewelry, clothing, and furniture.
Our house was utterly empty.
We slept on an air mattress that had to be refilled every night because it was riddled with holes patched with duct tape.
We both came from poor families so borrowing money to move back wasn’t an option.
I have had life-threatening asthma since birth. Due to our inability to pay to heat the house, I developed Pneumonia and wound up in the hospital.
The saddest part of this whole thing was my mom died while I was trapped in Europe. With no money and no ability to legally get back, I missed her funeral.
To this day my family has never forgiven me.
For eight months I did everything I knew to do
If you know my story I’ve been a practicing occultist for most of my life.
Shortly after the death of my father, when I was eleven, a southern rootworker took a liking to me.
For three years she taught me the inner workings of various types of magic.
After my tutelage with her ended, I continued into deepening my understanding of magic and enchantment can be used to better one’s lot in life.
My occult practice was a lifelong one; it was my faith.
So, when I found myself trapped in Europe, in the dead of winter, and out of money, I did what had always worked up till then…
Magic!
Every week I worked my usual rituals and enchantments for extra money to come in.
I used glamor magic to try and win favor with potential clients…
I did EVERYTHING I had been doing for years, with great success, but now everything just fell flat.
Nothing improved!
In fact, it seemed the harder I tried the worse things got.
At first, I was just a little concerned. I figured things would slowly shift towards our favor. Enchantment takes time to unfold.
But it never did.
And then, as we found ourselves unable to buy food for the following week (And unable to get a job) I became increasingly anxious and afraid.
I was so confused!
This went on for 8…whole…months!
Finally, one cold winters night, I simply broke. All of the stress, frustration, and fear finally wore me down.
And it was that night, rage-filled and heartbroken, that I threw everything relating to my occult life, away.
My Magical Rebirth: A 14 Year Journey Into the Unknown
For the next 14 years, I studied magic, sorcery, and even mainstream ‘Sciences of Mind’ in over a dozen countries.
Driven by a passion to identify what produced living and lasting results, and what was dead tradition.
One step at a time, one insight at a time, one test after another – I set about creating a way of life that would allow a daily experience of Awe and Enchantment.
At the feet of many wise and incredible teachers I learned, first hand, what Living Enchantment really is.
What mental and emotion blocks damn up the flow of enchantment, making it impossible to live consistently.
What makes enchantment easier and more natural…
What it takes to truly tap into WHY we are each here and WHAT would be our perfect lives to live.
When I walked away from all the systems of magic I had relied on, I felt lost…
I felt scared and intimidated.
And I also feel oddly liberated; freed somehow.
For the first time in a long time, I gave myself permission to do anything I wanted esoterically.
To study anything I wanted.
That freedom brought with it my spiritual rebirth.
It's all about the Relationship
Please allow me to leave you with these final words…
If you’ve ever felt like there HAS to be an easier way to walk in an ever-deepening state of love, awe, and enchantment with your world…you’re right!
Fourteen years ago, the reason my magic suddenly started failing after two decades of success was…
I had become dependent on the tools of magic.
I relied on ‘external’ power devoid of a relationship with the source of that power.
When really what I needed was to deepen my RELATIONSHIP with the spirits around me.
Do you see the difference?
When any of us become dependent on the tools, on the grimoires, on the crystals, on the oils…we stop growing.
We stay the same inside.
And the day will come when the tools stop working.
And then what?
My vision for you is for you to enjoy a more holistic and authentic way of being.
To leave the old model of ‘doing magic’ behind.
And instead for you to walk in a state of active flow with all of creation.
To live in an ongoing relationship with:
- Deceased Ancestors
- Planteray Intelligences
- Spirits of land and home
- Deities and denizens of higher realms
But it CAN be done.
Having access to currents of endless enchantment, awe and wonder are your birthright.
A life of enchantment isn’t just for the lucky or gifted few…it’s for YOU too!
When You’re Living Enchantment…your very being is aligned with the forces of the universe in amazing ways. Things just seem to line up for you. Incredible synchronicity is a way of life and many times door open where no door would otherwise be possible.
…magic flows naturally and powerfully from your living relationship with the more-than-human world. Many times just the simple decision to have an experience will start the flow of power toward it.
…you experience profound states of AWE resulting from a deep and meaningful relationship with the seen and unseen realms of creation. Every day feels new; like endless worlds have opened to you – because they have!
…lifetime wounds and traumas start to heal in amazing new ways. My students report this all the time. When you are aligned internally life and power flow through you; physical and emotional wounds can begin to heal themselves.
…limitations and ruts you have been stuck in for years begin to fall away. Being ‘stuck’ in an aspect of life tends to be a consequence of being disconnected and out of alignment. When you’re in congruence alignment then no rut or limitation has the power to hold you.
…your heart burns with purpose and you finally step into your highest calling. The future has clarity and that clarity breeds motivation and vision; which protect you from burnout and breakdowns.
All you need is a little willingness to take a chance and act. To trust yourself enough to reach out towards that living relationship with your world.
That’s where your real magic will come from; relationship with the more-than-human.
I hope you enjoyed our time together!
Damien Rourke
PS. If you resonate with what I’m saying and would like some help finding your own path into this relationship with enchantment, consider taking a look at our new class “Living Enchantment.“
Living Enchantment Class is the Syncretic Gold of my 14-Year quest to redefine and recreate my approach to magic and enchantment.
To help usher in tomorrows mystics and magicians.
Arkheina School of Esoteric Studies Presents:
Living Enchantment
Taught by Damien Rourke & Amaya Rourke
ONLINE CLASS STARTS SEPTEMBER 20th, 2021
(with 11 Amazing Special Guests)
50 Available Seats
7 Available Seats
Is there lasting freedom from the controlling influence, emotional manipulation and the soul-sucking grind of a world gone mad?
Stop struggling to fix your life by 'Doing' magic...
Instead 'Enchant Your Life' by connecting to the endless rivers of Useable Power flowing from the Seen and Unseen Worlds
Flourish with an unimageable amount of influence over your personal reality
- Take back control over your life
- Flow magic naturally and powerfully from your living relationship with more-than-human peoples in the universe. Many times just the simple decision to have an experience will start the flow of power toward it.
- Sleep peacefully knowing each day moved you closer to your most cherished goals
- Experience profound states of AWE resulting from a deep and meaningful relationship with the seen and unseen more-than-human peoples of creation. Every day feels new; like endless worlds have opened to you – because they have!
- Flourish in a living, enchanted relationship with all of creation
- Your heart burns with purpose and you finally step into your highest calling. The relationship you have with the world around you facilitates you to move in the direction of your calling.
- Alchemically reverse lifelong self-sabotage and 'stuck in a rut' life circumstances
- Deepen your ability to weave 'reality bubbles' that give you the joyful life experiences that you truly want
- Your very being is aligned with the more-than-human peoples of the universe in amazing ways. Things just seem to line up for you. Incredible synchronicity is a way of life and many times doors open where no door would otherwise be possible.